So my night went like this. I was finishing hw and was planning to leave for the airport to pick up my mom at 7. Concert started at 8 so I was making good time. I hop onto twitter and see someone posting that they were already at the concert. I’m thinkin “why the hell is she 2 hrs early? It’s only 6.” I look at the ticket and realize it starts at 7. I’m freaking the fuck out and haul ass to start the car. The car doesn’t turn on. Awesome, I need to jump start it. I just take the other car instead. Realize it’s out of gas. So I bust my ass to the station to fill up and drop off a letter on the way. I have a ticket to pay for in a couple days and I realize I don’t even have a stamp on it. Fuck it, I just got gas. I race down to the airport and hit traffic downtown, of course. Weaving through lanes I’m raging like the psycho Asian female I am and end up getting to the airport in a half an hr. I sit and wait for my mom and she’s not even out yet. Just landed and still hasn’t picked up her luggage. It’s 7:20 and I still have to meet up w/ my friend. She finally gets the luggage, I meet my friend to pick me up from the mall and speed towards the concert. We’re literally running to the Dome and I don’t hear anything playing so I’m assuming it’s the intermission between Miguel and Drake. The lights go out and I hear a second of Kaleidoscope Dreams playing and I book it to my seat. We made it on time and the second I hear Miguel’s voice, I’m at fuckin ease. I have my phone in my hand and ready and see it’s dying and I’m out of memory. What else can fuck up right now. But honestly, thank you life for this fuckin opportunity. My year has been made and I can’t even describe how stoked I am that I finally got to see Miguel AND Drake AND Jhene Aiko. And future I guess. But Miguel though. 😍😍😍 this was a night to remember. You don’t understand how much I love Miguel!!
From this day forward,
I’m not gonna be the girl w/ all the baggage. Forgive and forget. I’m trying so hard.
We’re not that different, you and I. As much as I feel like there’s a constant pressure for me to amount to something, to give some sort of purpose to my life, and to give some impressionable value to the world, each and every one of us is doing the same. We all endure hardships and pain. It’s all just a matter of degree in which we perceive each situation. Life isn’t as easy as we make it seem. We’re faking a lot. Why do we constantly build walls, fake smiles, and laugh things off when we’re really in dire need of just some sort of support, reassurance, love. Why do I feel shame for wanting to cry once in a while to sort my shit out. It’s not all peaches and cream. Maybe if we opened up a little more and leaned on each other more often, we’d realize that we’re not really alone. Others are sailing the same boat and we’re just scared to swallow our pride and just say, “hey. I need help.” Is there really just a constant need to make our lives look so appealing to others for comparison? Because at the end of the day, of the hour, of the minute, it really doesn’t matter what the next person is doing. Their stresses may be your successes.
I was venting to a friend about how stressed I was about finals. He reassured me that I’m not the only one feeling like I’m being strangled by a rope that’s waving the Deans List in front of me. Telling me just that made the stress feel that much more minuscule because I’m not alone.
I was venting to another friend about how I just felt so alone and dependent on others. I forget his exact words but it was something along the lines of “why? We’re human. Humans need each other to survive in order to strive”
Just feeling and knowing that others are also trying to figure out the game of life put things into perspective. It’s okay to forgive once in a while, to let something’s take over in order for you to find your way out, to feel like you’ve hit rock bottom. They’re all showcasing signs of strength and determination that we’re all trying to build.
This leads me to my second thought of the night, why some humans hold greater power over others. I watched an episode of Cops one day thinking it would be thrilling and enticing. After watching about 5 minutes of it I saw how much cops take advantage of their authoritative power. It’s sickening to see how a human being w/ a gun and a blue uniform can transform into a disgusting animal throwing another person to the ground for drugs. The guy wasn’t doing anything to anyone, wasn’t hurtin anyone, he was just tweaked the fck out on drugs. I just couldn’t watch anymore. It was so dehumanizing, it makes me believe that cops will go to great lengths to for a paycheck at the expense of another human being. We’re all in the fuckin same but because you have a shiny badge, you have the opportunity to ruins someone’s night. Fuck you and ya mama. Goodnight & good moanin.
Thanks dude. I'm cool.
Ugh, show me your ways.
And he don’t make you feel this pretty. He don’t make you feel this beautiful.
Hallow like the bottles that we drink.
I’m writing way too much. Lemme lean back in my car w/ a friend by myself and an ear to listen.